Flaky Girl

Star Simpson recently attempted to go through security at Boston's Logan Airport with a homemade contraption strapped to her chest that looks, you know, nothing like a bomb. Except for the lights, and the wires and the putty. And surprise, surprise, Logan's security pulled her aside and Simpson was arrested, thus keeping the rest of the world safe from flaky girls who can't wait for their fifteen minutes of fame.

Much has been made of the Logan guards over-reacting, and I'm not denying their behavior was over-the-top. This crazy device attached to her shirt is hardly plutonium.

But I'm not buying that this contraption was some kind of project Simpson was working on for school, or a personal foray into the world of "art", either.

Look, when a girl goes by the name of "Star" and posts on her own blog that she enjoys "saving the world from evil villains" and has "crazy ideas," she certainly sounds like the type of flaky girl who is capable of pulling a crazy stunt merely for attention.

And when you factor in that Ms. Simpson is a student in good standing in the computer science program at the hallowed halls of MIT, it's hard to believe she is so clueless that she really had no idea a stunt like this could get her arrested.

Please, Flaky Simpson girl, don't waste our time with this ridiculous attention-whore behavior. We need our security guards and policeman for real crisis situations, like tasering guys at Kerry speeches.

If you really want our attention, do it the old-fashioned way: become a party girl, dump some deadbeat wannabe, flash your crotch at photographers and head for an over-night in rehab.

WTF was THAT? Britney, the ultimate dirty girl, flops at MTV Awards

I'm not going to make fun of her figure, first of all, so let's just get past that. The woman has had two babies. You can't expect the rock-hard abs and steel buns to last forever. She actually looked better than I expected, hair extensions and all. Of course, she made a ridiculous costume choice, eschewing the cute flippy skirts for a skin-tight sparkly bikini, but I could have gotten past that.

But, OMG, what in the world was Britney thinking? Appearing on the MTV Music Video Awards show in that sparkly bikini, for what was supposed to be a "big comeback", shuffling her feet like a zombie in slow motion, lip-synching worse than an Asian tourist on karaoke night in a country western bar--did she really think that performance would cut it? She might as well have been sleepwalking for all the animation and excitement she projected. In a word? Sad.

Britney, honey, take some advice: get rid of whatever toadying sycophants have convinced you you're famous enough to get away with that kind of crap, drop the booze and partying, take some parenting courses, find a life coach and GROW UP already!

AP pic

Dirty Girl, Get Off Our Plane!

Seriously, does this look like the pic of a Dirty Girl to you? Nah, me either. Granted, the white skirt is short and the tank was probably pulled down a little lower to show off the girls when a Southwest flight attendant pulled Kyla Ebbert off to the side and threatened to remove her from the flight. Kyla pleaded her case and was allowed to fly, but the Hooters waitress says she was so embarrassed by being taken aside and lectured on "appropriate" clothing (the male flight attendant actually suggested she go home and change clothes, or even buy something else to wear for her flight!) that she covered her lap with a blanket on her trip. Kyla was on her way to see her doctor when all this occurred.

Okay, now, I've seen skanky girls before, but this isn't one of them. First of all, she's blonde and attractive, and that always helps. But, come on, white is the color of purity and innocence. If they were going to go after anyone on the flight, I have some better suggestions:

How about the screaming, seat-kicking child and his parents (who always sit in the row in front of me)?

Or the frumpy old lady with bad hearing who shouts to her seatmate about embarrassing feminine health issues in gory detail throughout the whole flight?

I could do without the intoxicated businessman who thinks he is God's gift to women and won't stop hitting on me, too.

And what about that very large man in the loud shirt and Bermuda shorts who can't stop sweating and doesn't believe in wearing deodorant? Or his Reubenesque wife, who honestly thinks bright turquoise spandex pants flatter her ample derriere?

Or, for that matter, maybe we could throw interfering, fashion police Southwest Airlines flight attendants off the plane.