BlogHer '07

BlogHer'07: meeting rooms filled with chicks (and even a few men), some frumpy even beyond Glamour Don't standards, others sharply attired and professionally coiffed. Fat girls, skinny girls, girls who climb on rocks.

And, beyond the chicks? Exhibitors. That's Exhibitors, not exhibitionists. And all of them, for a nice change, eager to suck up to us women. I have to say, I enjoyed my time there.

Look above, and you'll see the fantastic array of riches available to all of us. Can you say "swag" with a capital S?

Here's some of the most noticeable items, in no particular order, that caught my eye, either for their sheer usefulness, kitsch factor or just plain weirdness:

1. The BlogHer '07 backpack. Filled with a program and some heavy items (4, 15, 17, and 21) that, all on their own, made me have to check another bag.

2. Laptop Bag from AOL Body. This sweet baby's in teal, and they had a choice of neon green, as well. That was one of the things AOL Body did very right: cool laptop bag. Thumbs WAY up. Things they did wrong? See below.

3. Flash drive, courtesy of AOL Body--which gets you to their site and just about nothing else. You can't download files to this flash drive. I could understand not wanting their stuff touched, but why not let you use the extra space for your own stuff? Thumbs down. AOL Body sponsored a lunch with various "life coaches", where I might have asked about this, except that the food was in the Grand Ballroom and AOL Body's life coaches were up on the third floor. This is why they had dismal attendance for the life coaching. Who wants to take hot food up to two flights of stairs?

4. Plastic cocktail "glass" with weird red stuff inna tube. I THINK this stuff changes color when it gets cold?

5. One of the cooler items: an apron from OOPS. You can't see this, but it says "Voluptuous Beauty" on the center. 'Nuff said. Thumbs up.

6. T-shirt from "TheFind.com". Eh.

7. Care.com frisbee. Next time I get a dog, this will come in handy.

8. Bizarre CD from Hakia, based on actual searches. "Dear Mr. Jefferson" is okay, but the rest, frankly, sucks. Thumbs down. Too bad. The Hakia guy was hot.

9. Green Tea set from inside the BlogHer bag. This was cool, but liquidy, so I had to check my luggage. Bath stuff, and a tealight candle, and a Pillow Spray to make your pillow smell sweet! Thumbs up.

10. Strange, but great, idea. FlavorIts to make medicine taste better. Good for little kids or wimps, they come in watermelon, orange, grape, etc. These things smell incredible from a room away, I swear.

11. Curves cereal. Why not? It looks healthy, but I'm hoping it doesn't taste the same.

12. You can't see this. Damn, I fail in pic-taking. Anyway, according to this group known as "FiveMoms.com", 1 in 10 kids is abusing cough syrup, and 1 in 4 teens knows someone who is abusing even if they aren't. Wow, who knew?

13. PayPerPost T-shirt folded up into a tissue-size, for the added cool factor. Not nearly as cool as the HUGE PayPerPost pen underneath it, though! Thumbs up.

14. "IT Girl's Guide to Becoming a Web Goddess" mirror. I haven't read this guide, but the mirror's a nice purse size.

15. Beats for Bloggers CD. Actually, most of the songs are about working, but it's by jobomatic, so no wonder.

16. Bagette bag. This one's from a community known as Maya's Moms, full of great, fun women who also have kids.

17. Butterball potholder from, yes, the turkey people. You know what else they had? Scratch-n-Sniff pumpkin pie stickers! Thumbs up.

18. Topix--another cool one, this is a portable ethernet cable that retracts like a tape measure. Definite thumbs up.

19. Curves granola bar with chocolate and peanuts, to go with the cereal, maybe?

20. Manicure set. Another reason to check my bag. Scissors are sharp!

21. Journal, for when there's no keyboard available.

22. Fantastic black shirt from SimplyHired. Really, the coolest ever. Front says, "Hate your job?" with the elephant pooper-scooper guy. On the back, "Love our search," and the same guy is now training the elephant. Thumbs WAY up on this one.

23. Scrapblog T-shirt. This grey one isn't much to write home about, but they had a hot pink one I really lusted over. Too bad they ran out.

24. Cube wooden puzzle to exercise your mind.

25. Magnet, "Be a Better Binary Babe!" with tips I already know. But still a cute idea.

Oh, and (I fail at pic-taking AGAIN), I forgot to number the "Get Sweaty" towel from RevolutionHealth. They had this cool little teeny tiny red bag that velcroes to your gym sneakers for your change or an extra key, too. Thumbs-up.

The World's Worst Parents

That's who were sitting in front of me on the plane on my way to Blogher '07 this morning.

That's right, I'm looking at you, Airtran Flight 835, Row 19. You are the worst parents I have ever seen in my life.

And it only took me two and half hours to realize it.

When your little boy first came on board, I thought he was just this cute little kid, you know, with his blond hair and brown eyes. I was prepared to like him.

But that was before the constant yelling, ("ya Ya YA YA YA YA!") and the slapping, and the kicking.

By the end of the flight, every one of your fellow passengers thought he was the spawn of Satan.

And you know what really stinks about that, parents? It's not his fault.

It's yours.

Oh, sure, when the "YA YA!"'s finally reached piercing proportions, you would turn to your boy and admonish him with a loud "Shhh!" And that would silence him, for like a minute, until he started up again.

But what did you do before then?

I'll tell you: nothing.

And this may surprise you, but I'm not talking about discipline when I say that.

This was a freakin' two and a half hour flight. And your kid was what, maybe three years old?

And what did you bring for him to do on board, huh? Nothing. Not a damn thing. No toys, no coloring book or crayons. No book for you to read to him, either, though I doubt you would have done that, because heaven knows that you were doing your best to ignore his very existence until those shrieking "YA YA!"s got into your brain, too.

Hell, I would have been bored for two and a half freakin' hours, if I had been treated to this delightful little show your son was putting on.

I bet, if I were three? I'd have "YA YA!"'ed my little heart out, too.

You sat him in the middle seat, I noticed, too, between the two of you. I might have thought it was touching, if I thought it was intended for his benefit. Like, maybe you felt he would be more comforted between you, or safer somehow.

But that couldn't have been your reasoning, since you offered no comfort.

You didn't even offer conversation for 99% of the flight.

He might have sat by the window, and passed at least a portion of the time watching the fluffy white clouds pass by.

You could have given him an aisle seat, maybe even let him stand up once or twice during the flight. You could have taken him for a walk down the aisle.

But no, any of that was just too damn much to ask of you.

You know when you did pay attention, though? You know the 1% of the time when you actually talked to your little boy, other than to shush him?

When we landed, safe on the ground, and people stood up to file out around you.

THAT'S when you finally turned to your boy, and gushed in cooing tones, "We're on the ground now! We landed!"

Just that one moment, when all those other eyes were on you. When all the people who had heard that boy "YA YA YA YA!"'ing for the whole frickin' flight filed by, and looked curiously to see how you were handling the situation.

But me? I was right behind you the entire flight. Your little last-minute play-acting didn't fool me.

You are the worst frickin' parents on the planet.

J

So, in case you are wondering, the email didn't say much. It was mostly "Hi, what's up, just wondered how you were doing, " and then some bs about how I had been drinking last time he talked to me on the phone and because we were friends he was all worried about me.

Total bs, like I said.

J was always real good at that. We would split up, and then he would write me, and get my hopes up, and I would think we were getting back together, but then later, when I re-read it, the message was really...non-committal.

Not like I was desperate or anything, but he was my first love, you know? I really wanted to make it work it. I learned a lot from that relationship.

Like not reading an email when you are feeling really vulnerable, in case you read too much into it.

But honestly, this last message just made me pissed. Because we were friends? Come on, get real.

We can't be friends. There's just too much history.

Happy Fourth of July, baby