I Can't Believe I Went There

I am in so much trouble. I can't believe it. What was I thinking?!

I had that great date with T, and you know, it went...well, great. And then, I don't know, I came home and I had that dream about J. And then, I saw that couple at the Starbucks, and they looked so romantic, and T was all friendly but it wasn't, you know, romantic like that.

And then Saturday, I went clubbing with Evie and Rod, which is usually great, too, but they were all lovey-dovy and I had too much to drink, and I went home (alone, damn it!) and did something really stupid.

I called J.

I know, I know! It was stupid. I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking, and he's so familiar, you know? Anyway, I just left a message on his machine, because he wasn't there, so no real harm done, right?

Okay, I left three messages. And of COURSE they got sappier each time. Which is way embarrassing.

And that's not even the worst part!

J called me back Monday (after I spent all Sunday morning throwing up and all Sunday night thinking maybe he didn't even get the messages and what would I say if he called, and THEN all day Monday thinking that he wasn't going to call after all and lulling myself into a false sense of security).

And he was so nice about the whole thing, it almost made me cry. He was all supportive and saying that sometimes he missed me too, blah blah blah. And I won't even tell you what I started thinking about then because it is too embarrassing, but anyway I stopped thinking it right away because then J lays this on me: "Oh, yeah, Slut was here when I checked the machine for messages." And, since you all don't know: Slut is his new girlfriend!

!!!

(Of course, her name isn't really Slut. But she is one.)

I could have died right then. Just curled up like a snail in its shell and died. But of course I couldn't let him know that.

So I was like, "Whatever. I had way too much to drink. It didn't mean anything. Bye."

And I hung up.

And I swear, I've felt so stupid since then, I didn't even want to write this until now.

Sigh.

Life sucks.