Dirty, Dirty Clown

You always knew they were creepy and scary and completely unfunny. But now, it turns out that one of those white-faced weirdos that gave you nightmares as a kid is facing charges for child pornography, too.

An Illinois man, known as "Klutzo the Christian Clown" was taken into custody on Wednesday, after baggage-checking agents found pics of naked Filipino boys in his luggage during a routine bag check in San Fran airport.

Whee! Just in time for Halloween! Might want to re-think those clown costumes.

In his defense, "Klutzo" says of the nude pics, "That's the way they live." However, three boys from the "House of Joy" orphanage in the Philippines claim they woke up on at least one occasion to find Klutzo fondling them. Dirty Girl found the photo above, showing some of the orphans the way they ought to be seen--as normal, happy kids. With clothes on.

Amon Paul Carlock, aka Klutzo, an Illinois performer who describes himself as a "Christian Clown," performs at parties and Vacation Bible schools. Carlock recently filmed a promotional video for the Filipino House of Joy Orphanage entitled (prepare yourself for the sickest pun imaginable), "Klutzo in the Philippines."

Eww. Ick.

Posting at a missionary outreach internet site, Klutzo wrote enthusiastically about volunteering overseas and, "Doing any tasks that I am capable of doing." According to the clown, "Wife cannot come due to work."

I don't even want to go there. It's just too sleazy.

You can check out the promotional video and more sordid details over at The Smoking Gun website, which broke the story.

Update: Tom Tomorrow over at This Modern World reveals that Klutzo served more than 20 years in law enforcement, has been a Big Brother and youth counselor, is an ordained minister for the Church of Nazarene and once complained about a newspaper cartoon containing, "Too much smut."

Hey, You're just a kid!

Austin's Pic of Kim Kardashian

Pint-size paparazzi. Teen stalkers. Children behind cameras.

No matter how you slice it, it just doesn't sound right. What are two teenage boys doing out late at night, hanging at hot spots they are too young to enter and casing celebs' homes for a glimpse of a famous face, in the hopes of getting that one-of-a-kind shot?

But no matter how you feel about it, Austin Visschedyk (14) and his friend Blaine Hewison (15) keep snapping away, capturing the celebs in candid shots that some say rival their older, more experienced competitors behind the lens.

More on the teens and their parents' views on what the boys are doing in the NY Times story.

Flaky Girl

Star Simpson recently attempted to go through security at Boston's Logan Airport with a homemade contraption strapped to her chest that looks, you know, nothing like a bomb. Except for the lights, and the wires and the putty. And surprise, surprise, Logan's security pulled her aside and Simpson was arrested, thus keeping the rest of the world safe from flaky girls who can't wait for their fifteen minutes of fame.

Much has been made of the Logan guards over-reacting, and I'm not denying their behavior was over-the-top. This crazy device attached to her shirt is hardly plutonium.

But I'm not buying that this contraption was some kind of project Simpson was working on for school, or a personal foray into the world of "art", either.

Look, when a girl goes by the name of "Star" and posts on her own blog that she enjoys "saving the world from evil villains" and has "crazy ideas," she certainly sounds like the type of flaky girl who is capable of pulling a crazy stunt merely for attention.

And when you factor in that Ms. Simpson is a student in good standing in the computer science program at the hallowed halls of MIT, it's hard to believe she is so clueless that she really had no idea a stunt like this could get her arrested.

Please, Flaky Simpson girl, don't waste our time with this ridiculous attention-whore behavior. We need our security guards and policeman for real crisis situations, like tasering guys at Kerry speeches.

If you really want our attention, do it the old-fashioned way: become a party girl, dump some deadbeat wannabe, flash your crotch at photographers and head for an over-night in rehab.

WTF was THAT? Britney, the ultimate dirty girl, flops at MTV Awards

I'm not going to make fun of her figure, first of all, so let's just get past that. The woman has had two babies. You can't expect the rock-hard abs and steel buns to last forever. She actually looked better than I expected, hair extensions and all. Of course, she made a ridiculous costume choice, eschewing the cute flippy skirts for a skin-tight sparkly bikini, but I could have gotten past that.

But, OMG, what in the world was Britney thinking? Appearing on the MTV Music Video Awards show in that sparkly bikini, for what was supposed to be a "big comeback", shuffling her feet like a zombie in slow motion, lip-synching worse than an Asian tourist on karaoke night in a country western bar--did she really think that performance would cut it? She might as well have been sleepwalking for all the animation and excitement she projected. In a word? Sad.

Britney, honey, take some advice: get rid of whatever toadying sycophants have convinced you you're famous enough to get away with that kind of crap, drop the booze and partying, take some parenting courses, find a life coach and GROW UP already!

AP pic